It has been a bit since I posted about the renewing of the mind challenge I started last year. This is largely do to the series of unfortunate events I mentioned, but is also partly due to being unable to figure out a way to tangibly track the progress.
Well, today I wanted to share what I’ve noticed thus far. I have renewed my mind about food/weight/body image almost every day (usually more than once a day on those days). Have I been perfect, absolutely not.
My weight was all over the place in December and most of January. Up, down, up, down, up… much like keeping my boundaries, but at the end of January the scale was 3 pounds below where I began the challenge (November 30). No, 3 pounds in two months isn’t impressive, but when I consider my past history with holiday weight gain, the emotions that come with the new year, and all the chaos, I am pleased with it.
Exercise was hit or miss during those two months, but I am confident that will change soon. I can feel the stirrings of motivation… the need to move rises by the day.
The Big One
In January, we engaged in our annual fast from television (21 days) and the first night of the fast, all four of the kids were in a car accident while on their way to their youth service.
Bless the Lord, God Almighty, they are well (although the car is no longer with us), but late that night, when my mind was still a whirl and my cheeks salty from tears, I had an overwhelming urge to escape into the electronic box. I whined to the husband about wishing I could watch television and forget it all till I fell asleep (he felt the same), but we didn’t turn it on. Fear gripped me when I thought of what “could have been”, but we didn’t turn it on. Memories of loss and grief bombarded my spirit, but we didn’t turn it on.
We turned to God instead and we talked more than we have in a while. Night after night, when we went to bed, I asked God to help me drift off to sleep. I asked Him to calm my mind and my spirit. He did.
It became easier and easier to cast aside those old thoughts and lies surrounding the habit. We’ve held this fast for years, but this time was different because God made it so.
And that was it. The chain broke. As I type this, my eyes are moist. I no longer feel like I must have my nightly dose of TV to cope and I am in awe. I can take it or leave it. Knowing where I was, this is a complete 180.
I rarely watch television during the day, as I had set that boundary for myself early on in my “stay at home mom” career, but at night, that was a different story.
My nightly habit began just over 19 years ago when we used TV to escape the emotions of losing our first child. I hated going to bed because I would wake up believing it had all been a nightmare, only to discover the nightmare was real. Of course, I had no idea the damage I was doing or that I was building a stronghold that would stand for almost two decades. This one ran deep.
I actually feel lighter, different even. I know in my heart a change has taken place. It reminds me of the coffee issue I mentioned in June. Finished. Settled. Done. Only much larger.
Is renewing the mind to the mind of Christ a “quick fix”? Goodness no. I’ve been doing this consistently (not perfectly) since June. However, I have transformed (for the better) more spiritually, emotionally, and mentally in that time than in the last 20 years. I am confident the Lord will continue this work.
As for the challenge, it’s still going and I do plan to report in again, but it may not be till the end of March. We have a lot going on…. like hosting an online class for the Taste for Truth study by Barb Raveling (more on that in an upcoming post).