thin within: day twenty-three

thinwithinToday was a continuation of the last lesson I half-heartedly completed. So, I went back to day twenty-two and visited it properly this time. I am even more convinced that had I really paid attention to what I was reading, I could have saved myself two days of misery.

So, today I’m clinging to the promise that the Lord will make a way when there seems to be no way.

Day Twenty-Three

My goodness, there is but a week remaining. I have no idea where my “day 3 goal” pants are in the equation… and I don’t care. I just realized where I’m at in the lovely monthly cycle, and it is no surprise I was feeling so out of whack. This was also information I could have used the past few days. Just knowing that it’s hormones and they can’t be trusted would have made a huge difference. Alas, as with the study, I wasn’t entering my temps on my chart (had them in my head the past three mornings), so I didn’t realize I had crossed over into the twilight zone known as PMS week.

Despite this knowledge, I had a melt-down upon the realization that the 17 year old had eaten my soup. There were tears and even now, hours later, my eyes still feel swollen. Ok, so I bawled my eyes out over soup. And this was after having a quite lovely time in the Word. Can we say “hormone palooza”? Sigh.

Abraham believed the LORD and he credited it to him as righteousness. ~ Genesis 15:6

If you know the story of Abraham, you know he had plenty of moments where his belief waivered… where his human side showed forth. And yet, here we see his belief is credited to him as righteousness. I figure that must mean God doesn’t expect us to be able to pull off perfection. I figure He expects us to mess up… and that’s why He provided grace.

So, after going back through lesson 22, I was able to continue through the list “Steps to Strengthening your Belief System”. We were asked to write three character qualities that we believe God wants to bring about in our lives. One of the three I selected was contentment. I become discontent so easily and then I find myself feeling down and ultimately making stupid decisions.

If you’ve visited my kitchen, you know that my appliances are a bit dated… and some of them aren’t functioning properly anymore… and I just don’t like the color lol. The husband and I both agree that they need replacing but we had agreed to working on another financial goal before renovating the kitchen. Then our dishwasher decided to flake out for a day and we found ourselves at the store pricing an entire set of new appliances.

Do we have the money? Technically yes. We wouldn’t have to charge them (trying to do the debt free thang), so there was a part of us that was like, “What’s the big deal? So we put off this other goal for a bit longer. At least we’ll have new appliances without incurring debt. And they were at a really great discount. Win, Win… right?” I don’t know how long we were in that store working with the salesman, but right before we pulled the trigger, the husband says, “Ok, thanks [salesman’s name], this gives us something to think about.”

Gasp. I thought we were having appliances delivered. I had already pictured my brand new kitchen (well, except for the rest of the kitchen that needs a facelift). Ok, I’ll admit it, I was mad. We went to another part of the store, sat in one of the lawn furniture displays and talked. The husband wasn’t sure we should go through with it because he didn’t feel right about delaying our original goal. Hmph, now he’s getting all financially disciplined on me (I’m the money nerd… he’s the free spirit… it’s a Dave Ramsey thing).

I didn’t say much, but he could tell I was not happy. “Fine,” I said and we left the store. I think a part of me hoped my sulking would have him changing his mind before we drove away… Nope. By the time we got home, I had come around. He was right… but then he started switching gears on me and was considering going through with it anyway. I told him, no, he was right before. We need to follow through and we need to be content with what we have while we wait. He seemed relieved.

It is really easy for me to become discontent with my appearance too. I want to be thin NOW, but I need to be content with what I do have. I can see and walk and hear and smell and hug and type and smile and laugh and these are all blessings I receive because of this body God has given me.

The next step is to take negative thoughts captive… which I have talked so much about out here that it should probably be the “theme” of this blog. So, I’ll move on to the last three steps.

What then shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – now will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ~ Romans 8:31-32 (NIV)

God is so “for me” that He sacrificed His Son for my benefit. There is no way I could do that for anyone. So, obviously He is for me in this battle against the flesh. It is for freedom that He has set me free.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. ~ 1 John 4:4

I also liked the reminder in step 9 that God is greater than our enemy. I think so often we forget God’s awesome power because we focus so much on the grace and mercy He extends to us. Children of God have access to that power in the midst of struggles and attacks and we should use it.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there you hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. ~ Psalm 139:7-10

Step ten reminds us that we are not alone. No matter how we may feel, God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b). That’s quite comforting.

I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my delieverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. ~ Psalm 18:1-2

I’m going to close out this section with Hawk Nelson’s song, Drops in the Ocean. This song came on the radio when the husband and I left the house to buy a new wheel for the lawn mower (yes, it seems like all our stuff is breaking lol). It was perfectly timed for today’s lesson. Enjoy.

Observe and Correct

Ok, so today you’re going to notice some weird stuff on my chart. Not only am I now including my hunger numbers, I’ve added a thing I’m calling my “boundary bowl”. All of those “B’s” you see indicate that I was using my “boundary bowl” when I ate. I have decided to try this boundary in place of 0-5 when I know I’ll be eating in a distracted situation. I’m still going to practice checking in and attempt to pay better attention to the food even with distractions, but I thought I would give myself a physical boundary too. Right now it’s a plastic, 2 cup, food storage bowl. I’m hoping to find a prettier version, but this will do for now.

How does it work, well, this is the bowl I would take to the sofa. If I’m gonna eat in front of the TV, it has to fit in the bowl. So, no taking the entire bag of chips, or a mounded plate of whatever. If I finish off the bowl, I’ll have to re-evaluate my hunger levels before I refill it.

The “M” means “Miscellaneous”. Part of the time I was munching on a few nuts (I did NOT fill the bowl with nuts, just sprinkled a few in the bottom of the bowl), I was standing in the bay window looking out at my pretty tulips (that’s pretty much all that has bloomed so far). Then I went to my office… then the husband needed to talk to me about something… so basically I wasn’t seated the whole time or in the same place so I put an “M”.

Alrighty – that’s it for today 🙂

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