Ok, let’s just say today was a rough day. I woke up after a really weird dream feeling super low and angry. Despite yesterday’s victories of staying within my boundaries, I felt so fat this morning. I mean huge. My pants felt tight again for some reason and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
Not to mention, I am still in pain, which does not inspire me to pay attention to anything I eat.
I felt completely under attack today. Pain, frustration, depression… so not fun. And then today’s lesson was on forgiving myself. Well, great, I feel lousy enough so let’s talk about all my many mistakes too. Ugh. Going through this lesson without beating myself up even more was basically… well, unsuccessful. I tried to put down the “club of condemnation” but it seemed it just kept hopping right back into my hand.
I tried over and over to “cast all my cares upon Him”, but by golly, those just kept clinging to me like tar. I felt like Brer Rabbit fighting with that Tar Baby trap. I fell for the trick over and over today and then I just felt stuck. Yes, this was one of those “one step backward” days.
Observation and Corrections
There were also frustrating circumstances out of my control that led to it being hours before I could eat lunch. By the time I got food, the last thing I cared about was the zero to five boundary. In fact, I ended up scarfing down my lunch sitting in the car. And then I didn’t care at dinner either. I had that in front of the TV.
Yeah, not my best moment to be sure. Clearly the enemy is out for blood. I guess I’m getting too close to actually breaking free of this thing. Lord, I need protection!