One week in and this has already been a very revealing journey. For the most part, I am much calmer around food.

Day Seven

Today was rather like a review of the past six days. It was good to look back on what we’ve learned so far.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. ~ Isaiah 58:12 (NIV)

I am praying for a restoration in this area of my life.

Emotional Eating Exercise

This exercise was kind of interesting. Most of it, I already knew about my relationship with my emotions, but there were a couple of my responses that surprised me. I had to circle all but one of the “Reasons We Overeat”… that was rather unpleasant to admit lol.

Fat Machinery Log

I’m not 100% sure about that name for this, but I’ll go with it. When I first went over the lesson today, I didn’t think I would need to fill anything in on this log. However, I had one really bad morning… that just seemed to get worse. Add on lovely monthly junk and you have a recipe for a full-blown binge. I felt fat and bloated. My pants were tighter. I didn’t eat breakfast before leaving the house (even though I was hungry) because of this stressful morning. So, all I could think about was my hungry tummy… but I still felt bloated (weird combo).

I had a small lunch. I was wishing I had packed more, but I hadn’t because I wasn’t expecting to be so hungry.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted. I couldn’t tell if I was hungry or if the horrible cramps were what was making me want to eat. By dinner I had decided that I was hungry but I did NOT want to sit at the table. I wanted to zone out in front of a stupid TV show. I ate. At first I was paying attention, but that isn’t something I am good at with the TV on. Ok, let’s just say it. I’m terrible at it. Before I knew it, I had eaten past full. No, I wasn’t to a 10, but was definitely between 7 and 8. It was probably magnified by the cycle bloating, but I felt yucky.

I didn’t log anything in the “from others” or “from media” categories, but I did log some stuff in the “in Me” column:

“I’ve had a hard day, and I’ve had very little to eat all day… I just want to comfort myself with food.”

“I don’t feel well and food has made me feel better in the past.”

“I feel fat anyway, so what’s the point of even trying.”

T=”Table”, S=”Sofa”

These are definitely not the things I should be saying to myself, but I didn’t turn to God in that moment. I just went on “autopilot” and let old behaviors take over. The “brain wired program” I’ve built for sitting in front of the TV is hard wired in right now. I really need help breaking this thing. I want it broken, so I’m asking God to help me come up with a way to at least “interrupt” it. It’s not like I live alone and can just say, “I’m not turning on the TV”. Someone will turn it on, if not me, there are five other people in this house. So, I need a way to break the cycle.

It’s suggested that I put signs up, and I may do that. I just have to be careful what I put there so that my girls don’t perceive it as “dieting” and exercising “willpower”. I was thinking of printing a verse and putting it on the coffee table.

I’m still praying about it, so we’ll see.