When I first started this journey, I didn’t have a set amount of time in my head, but after reading that some people expected to be “fixed” in a matter of a few weeks… or reading that some had been at it for years with little to no progress, I decided to come up with a time frame I would give the process to show progress.
I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned here that my plan became to give this process one month for every year that I spent as a diet-aholic… which comes out to 28 months. I vowed to give a true effort to change my perspective on diet mentality. I think, in the beginning at least, I thought this would be a fairly painless process. I mean, “Eat what you want” sounds fairly easy. However, it goes so much deeper than that. There are emotions and die-hard beliefs that need tackling… not to mention the negative self-talk that ran rampant over my days.
There have definitely been moments since I began this journey (again) in October/November, that I thought this was a huge mistake. I’ve posted about some of those struggles out here. This time, I’m really glad I decided to do things a little differently by giving myself a timeframe, continuing to learn about intuitive eating (mindful eating, hunger directed eating…etc), and participating in an online support group. Because, in those moments, when I was really being attacked by diet mentality… and I was really craving another diet, I could gently remind myself, “Jules, you made a commitment to 28 months of non-diet-related-healing – do you really want to go on another diet?” Every time, my answer is, “I choose to keep that commitment… and I do NOT want to go on another diet… I want freedom.” Then, I would go back to my “let it go” mantra… releasing those thoughts, emotions, and old behaviors… while replacing them with facts like:
“Diets don’t work”
“My body can be trusted”
“I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139)
Recently, I’ve begun to notice a really cool thing… the noise is lessening. It’s not gone, but it’s definitely quieter. What noise? Well, the berating noise, the food-rating noise, the guilt noise, the counting/tracking noise, the body-image noise, the food-list noise, the anxiety noise, the diet luring noise… I’ve even had a couple of days with… gasp… no noise. On those days, food was neutral and I didn’t think once about my size. Say what?!
Does this mean the journey is over – um, no. What it does mean is that I am healing. It means that only a few months in, progress is evident.
I’m excited to see what the next few months will bring.
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” ~ Romans 12:2