It’s definitely getting easier to get up in the mornings. Even though I was over the worst part of the detox, I still had some lingering symptoms. I feel like my energy is increasing daily. My eyes are less “cloudy” too.

Speaking of eyes, mine are not behaving like a friend lately. I know I’m getting smaller. My clothes do fit better. The husband has commented several times that I’m smaller. And yet, my eyes don’t seem to see it lately. In fact, I catch myself looking in the mirror and thinking old thoughts… “You’re so fat”… and other less than uplifting things. It doesn’t matter that my sports bra isn’t cutting off my circulation any more… it doesn’t seem to matter that I can pull my jeans off without undoing them. It doesn’t matter that my rings spin round and round my boney finger. Nope, all I can see is “fat”. All I can focus on are the clothes in my closet that I still can’t wear, yet.

I would say that perhaps it’s because I’m not where I want to be, but I know that isn’t the reason. I’ve been rail thin before and still thought I had weight to lose. After living (and dying) by the scale for years, I still have those days where I think I need it to validate the work I’m doing. I think sometimes I just want a number I can give people when they quiz me about doing this raw thing. I feel that if I could say, “well, I’ve lost blah blah pounds,” then it might give some credibility to what I’m doing. I told the Husband that “the problem” is I don’t have “proof” to rely on… like seeing the scale go down, or watching measurements shrink. And he said… “No, that’s the solution to the problem.” What he means is, avoiding the scale and tape measure forces me to rely on the One who created me.

Of course, when it comes right down to it. I’m not doing this to gain credibility or praise or whatever. I’m doing this because I’m sick and tired of merely surviving. I’m not OK with average size, average health, average faith… I want more. And when I asked God what I should do, He told me to stop dieting (calorie restriction), stop weighing, stop measuring… and start eating raw food. Today I decided to ask Him what I should do about these “fat eyes”. He said I needed to turn those lies over to Him, that I need to let Him show me how He sees me. I need to lift my eyes to Him, let Him heal the broken places and to simply believe Him… not merely believe in Him, but believe He is who He says He is and He can do what He says He can do.

And so I cry out as the father who asked for healing for his boy… “Lord, I believe; Help my unbelief!”

Are you looking to make some changes in 2013? Check out The Journey for more information.

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What I read: Exodus 22-24

What I ate:

• Breakfast – 7 oranges juiced
• Pre-TKD – 2 bananas; Post-TKD – 6 oranges juiced
  
• Lunch – Green Smoothie (6oz apple juice, 6oz coconut water, 2 bananas, 2 oz kale, 2oz spinach, 7oz strawberries)
  
• Afternoon Snack – mixed dried fruit
  
• Dinner – 3 pears
  
• PM Snack – Apple & Orange Juice

What I did: TaeKwonDo Class (1.5 hrs)

Here are the notes I made regarding my symptoms throughout Day 37:

• slowed digestion (gas, abdominal pain, bloating)
  
• headaches
  
• puffy hands, feet, and face
  
• sinus congestion
  
• dry/itchy eyes, skin, and scalp
  
• acne
  
• aching muscles and muscle spasms
  
• foggy brain
• irritability
  
• mood swings
  
• blood sugar fluctuations
  
• fatigue
  
• unable to sleep well
  
• unquenchable thirst
  
• cravings
  
• chest pain
• cold sores – last one 1/13/2013
  
• kidney stones – eliminated when we went vegan Oct 2011
• tooth pain