Three weeks! I woke up ready to start Day 21. I don’t think I got up once during the night to use the bathroom. This is a huge break-through! I was getting up around midnight… then it was around 3am, and then around 4am. I slept till 5:30!
I have the privilege of teaching little kids how to skate. I typically get the kids who have never stepped on the ice. My favorite thing about teaching this class is watching the progression over a few short weeks. Most of the time they start with me, unable to even stay standing on ice, and by the end, almost all of them can get back up if they fall, and march from one side to the other unassisted. I do take a lot of pride (the good kind) in this class because I want these kids to get the most out of the session, and I usually get the results I’m after. In hindsight, I was feeling a bit prideful (not the good kind) about it last night. Well, my pride was knocked down a peg or two last night when an angry parent stormed onto the ice in street shoes to drag her kids from my class (I don’t think the kids wanted to go). I have never had that happen before… in any class I’ve ever taught. Yes, I’ve had parents who didn’t agree with my methodology, but this knocked the wind right out of me.
The first class of a session is always difficult because kids are falling and crying and frustrated, last night was made worse by one parent. I wanted to sit down on the ice and cry too, but I had to finish that class and one more after it. I wanted to defend myself to her, but I just let her go… with her kids. Even when I woke up this morning, faced with another morning in an ice rink, I kept mulling over last night’s classes. I found myself second guessing everything, and even questioning whether I’m a good teacher or not. When it reached a point where my mind said, “You stink at this, why don’t you just quit.” I stopped myself. “Now wait just one minute!”
Humility is one thing. Recognizing that I don’t do everything perfectly (and never will) is necessary, but saying that I stink at it? That simply is not true. The evidence is in the students who come out of my classes, and in my own kids (whom I homeschool). Having confidence doesn’t mean I’m prideful (although I do think I went into last night’s class with a bit too much pride). I fully accept that the Lord allowed that woman to become upset for the purpose of showing me my pride (relying on my ability more than His), but He did not intend for me to take it as a permanent mark against me.
Isn’t it funny how we can take something that is intended to teach us a lesson and turn it into self loathing? Maybe I’m the only one who does this, but I doubt it. I will not tattoo myself with lies any longer. I’ve spent much of my life letting my self-worth hinge on what others thought of me and/or my ability. I was stuck in the “performance-trap” for decades. My audience is an audience of one. If I’m pleasing God, that’s all that matters. If I’m not, may He continue to humble me however He sees fit.
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What I read: Genesis 27-29
What I ate:
- Breakfast – Ten oranges juiced with electric citrus juicer
- Lunch – 10 bananas, blended with 8 oz water
- Dinner – 1/4 large watermelon (wasn’t very good), 1 lb romaine, 1 cup grape tomatoes, 1 cup golden tomatoes, with fruity dressing (1 cup grapes, 2 cuties, parsley & cilantro)
- PM Snack – 2 oranges juiced
What I did: Spinning Class (1:05) – had a gal come up to me after class and ask, “Did you stop smiling once during class? Every time I looked at you, you were smiling.” I told her that I was just thankful for the opportunity to be in class.
Here are the notes I made regarding my symptoms throughout Day 21:
slowed digestion( gas, abdominal pain, bloating)
puffy hands, feet, and face
eyes, skin, and scalp – scalp is MUCH improved! I’m having very little oily build-up between “no-poo washings”
- acne – I’m good with how my skin looks right now
aching musclesand muscle spasms
foggy brain irritability
- mood swings – nope
blood sugar fluctuations
- fatigue – nope
unable to sleep well
- cravings – None today
- cold sores – last one 1/13/2013
kidney stones– eliminated when we went vegan Oct 2011