Healing from emotional junk takes time. While I felt the shackles fall off the other day, I am still left with wounds and the question of “who am I?” For so long, much of my “identity” revolved around my weight. This wasn’t just within me, it was also with others. I have entire relationships based around this part of my life. What were once “normal” conversations now bring about an awkwardness that seems unavoidable.
Yesterday, I caught myself in some old thought patterns. Instantly frustrated, I questioned whether giving up on my war with my weight was such a good idea. I became aware of the fact that I’ve likely gained a few pounds these last few days. Isn’t that just like the enemy to throw something like that in my face while I’m in such a vulnerable state? And then a Voice of reason emerged.
“Stop. Trust. Allow the process.”
I’ve been praying scripture daily about God’s authority, trusting Him, protection from deception…etc. I truly believe this is why these old thought patterns didn’t take over again, and I was able to hear God above the noise. He reminded me that there are people who have lost weight without dieting and exercise. While some of these people are believers… and some aren’t, it helps to know that there are people out there who are free of this.
Allow the process…
God is showing me that, like overcoming other addictions, victory comes through God day by day. It is not won through willpower or programs, but through trusting God to lead me. It comes through trusting that He designed this body and knows far better than myself or even the human “experts” how it functions. He reminds me that I am His child, forgiven, covered by Jesus’ blood. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ… not even for what they eat. He is gradually teaching me what my hunger signals are… and what they are not.
So, I’m allowing the process, and right now that means giving myself permission to eat without guilt. It means being thankful for this body God has given me. It means not measuring my success or failure by the scale or tape measure (in fact, I’m not looking at either). This stage of the process may also mean temporary weight gain, but as those who have traveled this path before me point out… the key word is “temporary”. As I move through the stages, the pendulum will shift back the other way eventually.
Lord, help me to stay the course, and allow the process.