I did not plan that title. When I typed it in and saw the capital A’s, I just had to use it.
Hi, my name is J. and I’m a recovering anorexic/bulimic (without the puking).
People usually associate bulimia with purging, but not all bulimics induce vomiting. I would punish myself by not eating. Of course, eventually you become hungry enough to devour a biggie size of anything… plus every other plate at the table too. Enter guilt and bloating (which helps to convince you that you have gained ten pounds in one sitting), and you know what happens next. Yep, repeat the cycle again starting with “I’m so fat” (even if you aren’t) and starvation. I don’t fall prey to this very often anymore (praise the Lord God Almighty!), but I do see glimpses from time to time when I lose the proper focus. Which is what brings me to the true point of this post.
I posted on Wednesday about the lack of trust I have with food when I don’t track what I eat. I despise tracking my food for several reasons. I think one of them is admitting that I need help. Because of this, I must rely on God for the discipline to write down what I put in my mouth. Don’t you just love that word, “discipline”? I don’t either. Today I resumed the discipline of tracking my food. I have not smiled much as a result. It’s a good thing the Husband volunteered to make me lunch when I got home from my indoor cycling class. Tired and hungry, I was poised to stay “to heck” with this tracking thing (which I would regret come morning). He made me a delicious, raw Tortilla Soup*. Crisis averted! Making it through that moment has helped me finish out the day with a little better perspective. I’ll talk about that tomorrow though.
I’m taking things a step further than tracking, I’m also going “Accountable Again”. No, I don’t plan to list out every bite with photos (like my RAW challenge). Let’s face it, I already have to type it once into my tracker and I’m not thrilled about doing that. What I will post are my daily calorie/percentage totals. This is purely to hold me accountable to tracking. I’m not out to prove anything and won’t step on the scale for now.
*We altered the Tortilla Soup recipe by eliminating the cheese and using a whole avocado instead of 1/4. We also use our own “taco seasoning” mix instead of the packaged stuff. Because the soup doesn’t get hot enough to kill the good stuff, it’s still raw… unless you throw in those tortilla chips 🙂
Fat: 13.3% (can we say “avocado”?)
Fiber: 59.3 grams
Approximate Exercise Burn: -549 calories