I can’t be trusted

I’m staring at that title searching for words to express my feelings.  I think I’m having difficulty because I wish there were new words.  I wish they were new feelings.  They aren’t.  So, I sit here searching and wishing.

Since I stopped writing down everything I eat, I have gradually slipped back into the “feast or famine” cycle.  I cried the other day because I was so hungry.  When I actually recounted what I had eaten, it was perfectly understandable that I was hungry.  That isn’t even taking into consideration how hard I’m working out too.  However, my mind kept telling me that I “shouldn’t eat because I’m fat”.  Ugh.  Do you ever wish your brain had a “delete” button?  Yeah, me too.

Right now, I’m not sure if the phrase, “I can’t be trusted”, is even true.  All I do know is that my mind is able to mess with me less when I have the facts.  When I write down what I eat, I can point to the proof and tell my brain to “shut up”.  Eventually the accusations quiet and that’s usually when I think I don’t need to track my food anymore.

I’ve come to the conclusion (yet again) that I need to track my food.  I think it is even more important right now because of my workout routine and the half-marathon training schedule.  I’m burning a lot, which seems to make me feel ravenous suddenly.  If I’m not eating consistently through the day this becomes a big problem.  So, beginning Friday I will load up the tracker and post daily again.  I probably won’t itemize my food in the post but I’ll likely list my calories and percentages.  As for the scale, I haven’t decided if I’ll step on it or not.

I really wish I could do this without tracking.  I’m not sure if I’m more upset about the task of tracking or that I need it to succeed.




1 thought on “I can’t be trusted

  1. Pingback: Accountable Again (AA) | Brick by Brick

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