I’m staring at that title searching for words to express my feelings. I think I’m having difficulty because I wish there were new words. I wish they were new feelings. They aren’t. So, I sit here searching and wishing.
Since I stopped writing down everything I eat, I have gradually slipped back into the “feast or famine” cycle. I cried the other day because I was so hungry. When I actually recounted what I had eaten, it was perfectly understandable that I was hungry. That isn’t even taking into consideration how hard I’m working out too. However, my mind kept telling me that I “shouldn’t eat because I’m fat”. Ugh. Do you ever wish your brain had a “delete” button? Yeah, me too.
Right now, I’m not sure if the phrase, “I can’t be trusted”, is even true. All I do know is that my mind is able to mess with me less when I have the facts. When I write down what I eat, I can point to the proof and tell my brain to “shut up”. Eventually the accusations quiet and that’s usually when I think I don’t need to track my food anymore.
I’ve come to the conclusion (yet again) that I need to track my food. I think it is even more important right now because of my workout routine and the half-marathon training schedule. I’m burning a lot, which seems to make me feel ravenous suddenly. If I’m not eating consistently through the day this becomes a big problem. So, beginning Friday I will load up the tracker and post daily again. I probably won’t itemize my food in the post but I’ll likely list my calories and percentages. As for the scale, I haven’t decided if I’ll step on it or not.
I really wish I could do this without tracking. I’m not sure if I’m more upset about the task of tracking or that I need it to succeed.